Dandy Darling

My wife has a Quarter Horse, with shortened mane and extra long tail. 
She thinks he is the finest thing that ever jogged a rail. 
She calls him Dandy Darling, and if the truth I tell, 
That fancy pampered Quarter Horse has made my life pure hell! 
My wife she used to cook for me and serve it with champagne. 
But now she'd rather feed that horse and fix him special grain! 
She rides him every morning, and grooms him half the night. 
And the last time that she kissed ME, was just to be polite! 
He dresses better than I do, with matching wraps and ties. 
My wardrobe's so neglected now, that I attract the flies! 
One day my wife was shopping, she was way down at the mall. 
And fancy, pampered DANDY was just a standing in his stall. 
He looked so smug and sassy, that I began to grin. 
I'd saddle that fat sucker up, and take him for a spin!! 
I've wondered since if the cues I gave, he may have misconstrued. 
’Cause when I climbed aboard that horse, he rightly came UNGLUED!!!! 
He bucked and spun, and snorted fire, then threw me through a fence! 
I saw big stars and there are 6 teeth that I ain't heard from since! 
My wife came home and saw me, just a lying in the dirt. 
She rushed up to her HORSE and asked him, "Sweetheart are you HURT?" 
He'd scratched his nose a little bit, and the memory galls me yet...... 
She left me lying in the mud, and ran to call the VET!!!