Welcome to horse-aholics

Good Afternoon.
I AM a horse-aholic. I would like to welcome all of you to this month's meeting of Horse-aholic Anonymous. Some of you are here tonight because a friend or relative brought you. You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK and don't really need any help. It is not easy to admit that you are a horse-aholic and it is even harder to bring yourself to a HA meeting for help. HA is here to assist you. I have some questions to ask. If you can answer YES to more than three of the following, you have come to the right place.

1. Can you say "sheath" in public without blushing?
2. Do you drive a big truck with a towing package when everyone else drives a real car?
3. Do you have more than one vehicle? One for you and one for the horses?
4. Do you spend your holidays going to shows, clinics and seminars when everyone else goes on a cruise?
5. If you do go overseas, is it to a riding vacation in Ireland or to Spruce Meadows to watch the Grand Prix?
6. Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make most doctors leave in disgust?
7. Do you consider formal wear to be clean jeans and freshly scraped boots?
8. Is your interior decorator State Line Tack?
9. Was your furniture and carpeting chosen with your horses in mind?
10. Are your end tables really tack trunks with tablecloths thrown over them?
11. Do you know the meaning of _____________?
12. Is your mail made up primarily of horse catalogs and horse magazines?
13. Do you get up before dawn to ride? Go to horse shows? Clinics? [but have trouble getting up for "work?"]
14. If you do have dresses, do they all have pockets? Do those pockets often contain bits of carrot, hay, or sweet feed?
15. When you meet a new person do you always ask them what kind of horse they have and pity them if they don't have one?
16. Do you remember the name of their horse sooner than you remember their name?
17. Do you find non-horse people boring?

If you answered YES to one of the above, there is still hope.
If you answered YES to two, you are in serious trouble.

My advice to all of you with three or more YES's is to sit back and smile, turn to the smiling person next to you, and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and good horses and it will never be boring.